there's a lot of crazy-ass sh*t going on at work these days. our satellite situation is still up in the air (har har), resulting in a lot of unknowns about what our basic services will be in a couple of weeks.
what is known, though, is that things are going to change. and it's going to mean a lot of work, dealing with this change. on the increasingly long drive to work each day (at least it feels longer... with each additional degree in temperature the commute seems 10 minutes longer) i've been letting the wind blow through my still-wet hair as i contemplate the idea of change.
in my work environment i HATE change. i wish things could stay the same all the time. i wish i wouldn't have to scurry around for new low-cost streaming providers. i wish i wouldn't have to take the time to redesign the website. change means WORK.
but i've also been thinking about the times in my life where i have consciously enacted change. and honestly, those times have been relatively few.
there was a period where i just let my life happen to me. i didn't make decisive choices. i went to college where i got accepted, i kept studying the one thing i was good in, i moved in with the first guy who wanted to live with me... things just seemed to happen. i had no plan.
but then my boyfriend moved out, and i sat there, stunned, with life that was a direct result of happenstance. so i made a big change in my life: i decided to move the hell away.
it's the first time i ever made a big decision about my life, and it paid off surprisingly well. i made new friends, re-examined my life, and refocused. i can't even begin to contemplate the person i would be if i stayed in chicago and didn't force myself to change.
of course, back then i wasn't seeing it as a Big Life Change... i was seeing it as a way to escape a bad breakup and horrible winter weather. but it was a conscious decision to do something different, and i'm glad i came to my senses in that way.
another big change was making the decision to apply for the job i have now. at the time it was just a whim, but now i can see how important it was. my life has become richer in countless ways by working here.
i would like to say i continued making conscious changes in my life, but mostly things keep happening, i think. moving in with ray was just a natural extension of our relationship. buying a house was, too. i don't see these things as Big Decisions, but perhaps --down the road-- i'll look back and see that they were...
Posted by xta at May 25, 2004 02:34 PM | TrackBack