i try not to, but i usually end up investing a lot of my emotional energy in my friends. for instance, right now one of my best friends is having a difficult time and i've been expending a lot of energy keeping in frequent touch with her, trying to entertain, distract and listen.
and then last night the landscaper was at my house for a little while, and i chatted with him about how busy he is, holding down 2 jobs and wanting to open his own auto shop. and when he mentioned that last bit my mind leapt to lisa. i thought, "i wonder if he & lisa would make a good match?" and i actually completely tuned out his 3 next sentences and let my mind wander to how i might be able to help out a friend.
i do things like this all the time. and when i stop to think about it, i have to wonder whether it's doing any good. i feel like my mind is always searching for ways in which to help my friends... and i don't really know whether my attempts at entertaining and match-making are even welcomed. worse, maybe i'm even being harmful! (sometimes i think i'm being harmful to myself because i often feel emotionally drained and very, very tired.)
i'm not sure where i got this habit of caretaking. lord knows my dad didn't give it to me. it's probably from my mom... she's always butting into everyone's business. ;-)
i feel like at some point someone's just bound to say, "leave me alone, christa... you're a great friend, but i can handle my life on my own." and when that happens i may cry. or i may suddenly get a really good night's sleep.
Posted by xta at May 19, 2004 03:47 PM | TrackBack