one of my worst faults is that i can be judgemental.
i try to catch myself before the judgements manifest themselves in actual, harmful behavior, but sometimes i fail.
for instance, last year i found out two of my friends were having an affair, and the first reaction i leapt to was one of judgemental scorn. i immediately placed my value system upon their lives. "what they are doing is wrong," was my first thought. it turned my stomach in painful knots.
it wasn't until i talked to ruth that i realized that life is much easier (and more fulfilling) if i approach people with love and acceptance rather than judgement. i try very hard at this, but like i said... sometimes i fail. this is difficult stuff.
ray & i had a giant, blow-out fight last month that was basically the result of my being judgemental about a very specific behavior of his. i was, once again, asking him to live within my value structure. this is a complicated situation, though, in that an intimate relationship is far more successful if the two people have similar values.
anyway, i've recently been the target of judgemental behavior, and now that i'm on the other side i'm determined to work even harder to stop myself from being judgemental. it's not fun being on either side of this.
a girlfriend of mine seems to think my life is worthless unless i have a baby. (of course, my GYN is guilty of this too, but it's easy to just find another GYN... it's harder to find another friend.) if i hear, one more time, "it changed my life! you should totally have a baby, too!" i think i'll VOMIT. please do not impose your life decisions upon me. what's good for your life is not necessarily good for mine.
it's hard to avoid, though... this judging of people. it's somehow part of our nature. it's everywhere, and it's easy to do. (every SUV, for instance, causes me to practically spit in disgust... but this judgemental reaction doesn't make me feel any better, and it's not a productive emotion.)
much to my relief, i just had a great discussion with deana about how i had misperceived a way in which i thought she judged me... we ended up talking about how people need to feel justified in LIVING OUT LOUD... in being themselves, unabashedly, and standing up for what they believe in. unfortunately, though, in the course of living loudly, some toes will probably be stepped on.
so... how do you continue to be who you are, yet hold back from screaming at people who you are? i think --and this sounds so simple-- that you've got to proudly be yourself, but to not expect the rest of the world to be just like you, too.
why is this so hard?
Posted by xta at May 11, 2004 01:36 PM | TrackBack