this is going to be the most difficult post i've ever written. but i really feel like if i just do it... get it out there... i'll have less to hide. and maybe you can help me make a difficult decision, too.
for the last 5 or 6 years i've been struggling with alopecia areata. i have 2 distinct bald spots on my scalp, one at the back of the crown of my head, the other at the top of my neck.
i remember the day i discovered it. i was sitting on the couch, talking to my friend andrea, and i started playing with my hair... when suddenly i realized there was a smooth spot right under my fingertips. it was totally, absolutely, completely bald. i *freaked* *out* and scoured the internet for terrible diseases with hair loss as symptoms while andrea tried to console me.
it was quickly apparent that i had alopecia areata. not a "terrible disease" in the sense that it's going to kill me, but depending on the severity it can be a really traumatic experience. luckily the 2 spots i have are easily camoflauged (though i hate windy days and you'll always see me wearing a hat in a swimming pool), but other people are not so lucky. millions upon millions of people have alopecia, and it ranges from mild cases (like mine) to total loss of all body hair. given the range of severity, i feel pretty lucky, i guess.
still, i do go to a specialist for treatment... and so far nothing has really worked. i've tried steroid injections, topical creams, and home concoctions of essential oils. i do occasionally get some downy hair growth inside the bald spots, but it's nothing like the texture of the rest of my hair and the spots never get smaller. (the stuff that grows in is pure white and really, really fine. you can see one long strand of pure white hair at the bottom of the lower bald spot in the picture.)
anyway, the reason i'm posting this today is that i had an appointment with my specialist this morning. i really really really really really really really don't like going to see her. she's the leading alopecia specialist in the area, so of course she sees people a lot worse off than i am (there was one totally bald child in the waiting room today)... still, that's no excuse for the brush-off i feel i get every time i go to her clinic.
today she had a visiting doctor with her, and rather than discuss my treatment options with me, she discussed them with the visitor. i felt totally ignored, and if it weren't for the friendliness of her med students (who were actually the ones who administered the treatment) i probably would have blown up at her.
as i was getting the injections in my scalp (it had been years since we'd tried this, so i decided to give it another go) the med students were the ones telling me about the steroid, the concentration, and its purpose. they also told me something i'd practically already formulated for myself: that spots of alopecia that haven't grown back during the 5 or 6 years i've had mine will likely never grow back. and even if it does grow back, alopecians often lose what they regained, over and over again.
fun, yes?
so my head is a little sore today from the injections and i have to go back in 6 weeks for a progress check. i'm dreading the visit and am almost to the point where i'm ready to just deal with this on my own. there is no proven remedy for alopecia, and every time i go see this doctor we're just taking a stab (literally, today) at what might work... there is no guaranteed way to ensure hair regrowth.
since alopecia is an autoimmune disease some of my friends have suggested that maybe i go beyond just treating the symptoms and try another route... like a chiropractor, or hypnotism. something more holistic. there are a thousand different things i could try on my own, i suppose (if i had the cash). how much unengaged, non-personal --yet insured-- care does one have to endure before setting out to take their health in their own hands?
this is not a rhetorical question. if i had an unlimited supply of money i would be seeing all sorts of alternative therapists, but financially i just can't swing it. so do i stick with my current, subsidized doctor... or just give up?
Posted by xta at January 12, 2004 01:53 PM | TrackBack