my cousin joy called last night. we don't talk nearly often enough. she's 2 or 3 years younger than me, but you'd never know it... she's a single mother who just bought a house in phoenix, and she has dealt with a life's worth of shit that no one should have to endure. she's a lot stronger than she thinks she is.
we spent some time talking about her mom (my mom's sister), sara, who is a drug & alcohol addict. joy threw sara out of her life many years ago. that had to be incredibly hard. i cannot imagine having to tell my mom to stay the fuck away from me. yet another reason why joy is an amazing person: she knows what she has to do to survive.
however, joy says she's recently had an urge to reconnect with her mom. "i guess people are the way they are... you can't change them." so joy called sara a couple of weeks ago and had what sounds to be a really important conversation, reestablishing a certain level of basic relationship between them. they're never going to be friends, but the fact that joy reached out... well, i'm simply in awe of that gesture.
joy & i also talked about the sexual abuse that sara suffered at the hands of our uncle gene. i never knew the details before, but joy has in her possession a confessional letter written by gene that is pretty graphic, and she read a section of it to me. it's life-changingly strange for me to know that sexual abuse exists (existed) in my family. still, this knowledge goes a long way towards explaining sara's erratic adult behavior.
i have one single vivid memory of sara. it's christmas time. i'm probably about 10 years old, my brother is around 8. we're visiting my mom in fort worth. we saw joy & sara a lot when we'd visit texas; they lived not far away from mom. we loved visiting mom, too; she's fun and nutty and she let us build forts in the living room and roller skate in the house. and the presents! each christmas with mom was an amazingly joyful time for us.
but sara showed up christmas eve, drunk off her ass and belligerent as hell. an argument ensued... about what i do not remember. we were all standing in the small living room near the christmas tree, and i remember sara shouting at my mom at the top of her lungs. i wanted to cry. stop yelling at my mom!! and my mom yelling back at sara --screaming-- "get the fuck out of my house! leave! fuck you! get out!!"
oh my god. i had no idea what was going on. i now have to assume that this exchange had been building for a long time. my mom doesn't just blow up like that. i don't ever recall having heard my mom even raise her voice before then. i remember i just stood there in shock, not believing what just happened. my mom doesn't throw people out of houses. she just doesn't. especially on christmas, when there are presents to open.
i can only imagine what joy's daily life was like at that age, being in a house with a volatile mother like sara. joy told me last night that she eventually became closer to my mom than her own, and for that i'm glad... it also brought her closer to me & my brother.
joy, i know you read this blog. you're an amazing person and i want you to know how much i admire and love you.
merry christmas. we'll miss you this year.
Posted by xta at December 16, 2003 11:50 AM | TrackBack