lately i've been feeling really stupid.
it seems like my ability to think critically has diminished over the past year or so. i no longer feel like i can discuss lofty ideas with any kind of clarity, and i believe my perception of the world has become a little more cloudy.
i must have bush syndrome.
seriously, though... it's disturbing to me. i take loads of brain vitamins and i really don't sit in front of the tv, rotting my noggin for hours ("america's next top model" and "survivor" excepted). i eat reasonably well. what's more, i enjoy hearing others speak their minds on topics that interest them, yet lately i seem incapable of joining in.
i went out to dinner the other night with friends who said incredibly nice things about me and how i choose to live my life. from a lifestyle perspective i may be a little progressive, but as they were lavishing me with compliments i couldn't help but think that, intellectually speaking, i feel just like anyone else... struggling to make sense of it all, and having trouble putting 2 and 2 together.
when presented with a concept that requires a good deal of brain-power, i find i can only stand to think about it for a minute and then i let my emotions take over and dictate my response. i notice that i start a lot of sentences with "i think..." when i really should be saying, "i feel..."
i wonder about setting aside time to challenge my brain. putting down the magazine and picking up the novel. spending less time on the computer and more time with crossword puzzles. i've been playing online scrabble with a friend in georgia, but whole days can pass between plays and it doesn't provide the focused concentration i think i need.
This doesn't really have to do with anything, but I propose an America's Next Top Model finale party. My house! I love that show.
Posted by: pinky at October 14, 2004 12:41 PMi think 'focus' is the key here. sustained focus can be extremely difficult to achieve, but it's the key to those intellectual breakthroughs that you seem to be seeking.
i have found that it's a learned skill, for me. i have to push away the "noise"-- stresses, time pressures, insecurities over my intellectual abilities-- and take the time to simply focus.
sometimes i have to create an environment for myself (i'm experimenting with headphones at work, these days, as a way to block out people's voices). certain kinds of music can be condusive to focus, or sometimes i need silence.
anyway, it's been well established that our brains work in different ways :) but hopefully some of this might be helpful.
Posted by: lisa at October 14, 2004 1:41 PMFor what it's worth, I think you express yourself extraordinarily well and that's usually how I judge smartness.
I frequently feel stupid too, especially because I have a HUGE problem with words. I think my vocabulary has diminished in the last few years. Maybe it is about challenging yourself like you're saying...it's hard to get that on a daily basis.
Posted by: lainey at October 14, 2004 2:09 PMhere's an interesting notion: i wonder if you write less overall now that you've got a blog? i know the blogging has replaced a lot of the emailing we used to do... if your overall written output has diminished, your brain might not be getting a certain kind of stimulus that it needs, ie, the writing stimulus.
you've always expressed yourself well verbally, which would indicate that this might be an important aspect of your psyche's functioning.
watch me play armchair neurologist! :)
Posted by: lisa at October 14, 2004 3:45 PMi think you're right about the focus, lisa. i'm guessing that's my problem, in large part.
ray pointed me here: http://www.brainbashers.com/
i attempted one of the puzzles that relied on a lot of concentration... and i completed it successfully!! i was amazed! i felt so damn brilliant afterwards.
clearly i need that kind of instant gratification in order to feel smart. ;-)
btw, i thank y'all for the compliments on my expressiveness. it's a constant challenge... and it's one thing i think i've gotten better at since i began blogging.
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