i feel it in my head

this morning i woke up crying.

i dreamed that one of my best friends died. it was a sudden, peaceful death and every soul who knew her was plunged into the deepest sorrow. (this woman has never known a stranger; countless souls have been touched by her, and in my dream the grief at her passing seemed universal.)

the dream was extremely vivid; while asleep, my brain was causing me to physically mourn for her loss. i woke up mid-sob, my face wet with tears. my heart felt like it had been crushed into a hard, solid ball.

i rarely have dreams this realistic, and i cannot remember ever having any sort of physical manifestation of one. it was disturbing. i'm not sure i want to experience that intensity again. at least not while i'm asleep.

in the dream, i was shocked and so sad that i wouldn't see my friend again. at that point i was crying for myself and for my loss. but suddenly it occurred to me that her husband would be absolutely devastated about her death.

in reality, her husband is an absolute angel, perhaps the most gentle person i've ever met. when my dream turned to him, THAT'S when i felt the deepest sadness, and that's when the real tears started. i woke up shortly after dreaming about his intense sorrow. those tears on my pillow were for him.

Posted by xta at April 2, 2005 09:13 AM | TrackBack