i tried a unitarian church awhile back, it's more of a "pray to whom it may concern" kinda church. it was okay... i didn't really bond with it though. i'm not a church person either, though it's jesus name that really gets under my skin. i'd rather skip the middle man and go right to the source. jesus is not my homeboy.

i wonder what a quaker funeral would be like. i'm guessing it would go a lot easier on the god than the average church service.

phil once told me that only about 60% of quakers consider themselves to be christians.

Sure, plenty, but maybe not in the South... now, if you'll just c'mon out to California, we've got something for everyone in the department of ceremonies and spiritual services. Might involve crystals instead of psalms...and chanting is chanting, no matter what they're saying, eh?

Lisa -- good memory!

I've been to just one Quaker funeral. It was much like any Quaker meeting -- lots of quiet, and people saying what they feel moved by the spirit to say. Sometimes that's scripture. Sometimes it's a rememberance. Sometimes it's something else.

I am an alien in jesusland too - a little different though...

I was thinking Unitarian as well. They are more into "Service to your Fellow Man" which seems like a good thing to me. I actually learned about the Unitarian church from a character in a book - called LIFE BEFORE MAN by Margaret Atwood. It's not actually about the church - but one of the characters belongs.
When my mom dies, she wants me to BLAST "Spirit in the Sky" and she insists that everyone sing along and dance, at her funeral.
She has told me this my whole life - consequently I have never been able to listen to that song without getting teary.

I'm sorry to hear about your co-worker, Christa.

The God/Jesus thing is what I hate about funerals/memorial services, too.

The Unitarians don't care if you believe in god or not, but you sort of have to believe in something ... my issue is that I just don't believe, period--I'm not at all spiritual. When someone's dead they are dead, and a service should be to remember them, not to pray for them. And there should be beer.

I've been thinking about you over the last few days. I really like this post but I am sorry that you are still sad. (I can understand it of course but wish there was something I could do to make it better.)

I agree with Lisa B in that once someone is dead, they are dead. Whatever is going to happen (afterlife or not) has most likely already happened for them. Sometimes silence is really the best way to honor someone, I think. That, or a really awesome funeral pyre floating in the middle of a lake while someone plays bagpipes in the distance.

I too feel uncomfortable in church because obviously the people are getting something from it, and I don't. Plus, the idea of someone I like standing before someone in a judgement day finale creeps me the heck out.

I'm glad you got to remember Frosty in other ways as well, with stories.

I go back and forth on the issue myself. I'm trying to figure out a way to be spiritual without all the dogma and I'm not totally willing to toss aside the religion I was brought up with (Catholic) because it's so tied in with my history and my connection to my family. At funeral time though, I actually do really appreciate religion. I appreciate that when there's a death there's a way to honor the deceased without the grieving family having to figure it all out from scratch...it's almost automatic. It gives you mental space to deal with the grief. That's my two cents.

that was exactly how I felt at my aunt's funeral. Except that there was nothing said about her as a person. The minister barely even mentioned her name. All he wanted to talk about was Jesus. The only part of the funeral that related to my aunt was the memory board with photos outside the chapel.

... oh and the dead body.

Hold your own wake/ceremony/whatever. Do what feels right. But going to a church doesn't imply belief on your part -- like vegetarians shopping at a grocery store with a meat department, you just don't pick up what you don't want.

Hey! (raising hand) I've been out of town -- but I just wanna say - I'm a Unitarian! My church is humanist based, not christ based and it's okay if you believe in NOTHING. As long as you believe in being good to the people around you and the earth -- and yourself.
K gets irritated sometimes with the whole lack of GOD thing but it's working for us and our kids...
some congregations are a little different than others but you could always pick up a library book or two about it...

I'm only sayin.